September 23, 2018

I’m sure you’ve all seen the Kurtis Blow Basketball video, as it’s one of the more famous basketball-related songs ever written. Well, Coach Nick decided it would be a good idea to put together a parody of the video, expressing what it’s like to coach basketball, rather than play it.

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What resulted was one of the more absurd videos you’ll ever see, but it’s certainly worth watching.

So sit back, relax, and get a first hand account of what it’s like when you’re coaching basketball… (lyrics below)

Screen Shot 2013-12-21 at 12.50.10 PM

I’m coaching basketball
I’m coaching basketball
I’m coaching basketball
I’m coaching basketball
VERSE 1
Basketball is my favorite sport
And when they play I walk right down the middle of the court
They can’t really play this court is 6 feet
These are all really actors that are behind me
clipboard and marker, I might throw my chair
To take the attention off my chest hair
They pass me the ball when I look the other way
And I “T” myself up cause thats how I play
CHORUS 2
This is fake basketball
Playing fake basketball
Everybody jump for the ball
Then add slo-mo when they fall.
VERSE 2
Now I’m standing with girls who can’t even dribble
But they make me look good while I spit this riddle
I should line them all up in Triangle offense
Put down their pom-poms and play some defense
Make them move their feet, on the hardwood
Reference names they don’t know like Jimmy Chitwood
I scream 1 pass away like they know what I mean
Why oh why Did I want to coach this team
DANCE BREAK
VERSE 3
Guys stop doing karate and fighting with sticks
Work on your jump shot and play some defense
And who is this photographer that keeps poppin up
It’s just annoying, like Russell Westbrook
Stop shooting the ball with your foot on the 3
That’s just a nightmare a big waste to me
Even these cheerleaders have got my back
Here’s a guy eating a hot dog that’s really fat
DANCE BREAK 2
CHORUS 3
Cheerleading Basketball
Pom poms no basketball
He’s screaming at us all
We don’t play basketball
VERSE 4
Hop, turn dip Sway
Are the skills that will take you all the way
and that chicken that you saw a few scenes ago
has nothing to do with fundamentals
Monday morning quarter back is what they might say
But i have analytics for the things i say
So you can talk all you want about the sport
But I’m the only one who knows it, the BBallSource
CHORUS 4
I’m coaching basketball
But I have no skills at All
I can tell you about it all
When you play basketball

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Daniel Buerge

Daniel covers the NBA for SLAM Magazine and is the Editor-in-Chief of Lakers Nation. Follow Daniel on Twitter, @DanielBuergeLA.

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